Mad Skills

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this whole working thing.

Before finding myself sitting in cube land listening in to private phone conversations (seriously stick around past five and you can hear all you’ve never wanted to as your coworkers call doctor to discuss “that, ah, thing….it’s itching again”) I worked at home by myself. After being on both sides of the fence I can firmly and unequivocally say, I have no idea which one is better. You see there are such good and bad things to both. So in an effort to show off my newly learned chart making abilities detail my thoughts, I’m going to break down home vs. office working.




Also just a side note: I'm a rockstar with powerpoint, screen shots, and thinking outside the box. The above graphics prove it and no, I won't tell you how long it took.

Awkward Turtle

You know what I hate? When you get busted at work for doing something you can’t explain. Like say, when you need to practice signing a friends name over and over again. (You know, just say).

Of course as soon as you start your boss will decide it is the perfect time to stand by your elbow and give you directions. Then he’ll look down and catch you obsessively filling a notebook with another person’s name. At this point he’ll probably think you’re a lovelorn fourteen year old practicing how her latest crushes name will blend with hers, which is strange enough, since you know, you’re not fourteen anymore. But then things will get real weird when he realizes that the friend in question is a girl and you’re practicing signing her FULL name. So scratch thinking you’re a lovelorn teenager, he then just thinks you’ve either stolen someone’s identity or have split personalities. Either way it’s just awkward for all involved.

pictures from here. It has nothing to do with awkwardness or turtles, it's just crazy trippy.

While going through old contracts today at the Company I found one with an internet protection software company that blocks inappropriate content for kids. In the contract are lists of offensive words (and who they offend) that will be blocked when you buy their software. They are RIDIC(as in ulous)

Some I can see why they could be found offensive (butt pirate) but most of them I don't even get. and now I really want to google them but seeing as I'm at work, probably not a good idea.

Also feeling pretty uncool. When did I stop being the one who was up on that latest in insults?!?! I feel like such a Perm Sperm (apparently offensive to Whites....or just funny as hell).

Anyway, here are some of the gems:

-Bun runner (offensive to the Amish)

-Carrot snapper (against Mormons)

-50's (against Canadians) **who picks on Canadians?? or the Amish for that matter.

-Golden Toe (hate speech against Whites)

-Interesting (made the list as hate speech against Jews-real confused by this one)

-Leather (mature content yo')

-Marriage (mature content, under the lifestyle catagory)

-Nine Iron (hate speech against Asians)

This pretty much leaves kids nothing to google! Except love, macaroni, and panda's...oh...oh wait:
Love (mature content under the mental catagory)

Macaroni (hate speech directed at Italians)

Panda (hate Speech for Pananmanians)

On a serious note, can someone please explain what "boy in a boat" means? apparently it's inappropriate language under the anatomy catagory

picture from here

It's Official

I don't get fashion. Apparently this:

and this:

are considered not only fashionable, but worth quite a bit. The mind boggles.

Also I apparently don't get fashion photography because if someone took a picture of me looking like this:

I would detag and then unfriend them (on facebook and in real life- I'm cold).


"whatchu say??"

"Did I stutter? I said, my sweater is SUPPOSED to be this short...Bitch."

"oh I knnnnow you didn'!!!"

"So angry..."


In completely unrelated news, this girl and her dress know what's what and I would gladly take this as as a late Christmas Present.


All of this brought to you by asos and too much free time.

Getting Through the Day

Nothing helps an incredibly slow day of reading dead contracts to determine if they're dead or really dead or really, REALLY dead (sorry, where was I?), like planning a trip to Iceland.


Can't wait for March!

(all pictures from Iceland Eyes, my new favorite blog)

This is my confession

(Get it? Like from Usher? No? Stop that? Fine.)

My stomach growls at work. Like a lot. And in an open cube environment this is a bit embarressing, because though I try to cover it with a cough or chair shift I still sound like a dying radiator. It's as awkward as it sounds.

I've been trying to figure out what's up with this. The only clues I have are:
1. This is a new development, as in since this job started.
and 2. It also only happens while at work.

Apparently my stomach hates being forced to sit for eight hours a day and has decided to, loudly, express its displeasure. Jackass.

But today there was a break through! Though not a good one: it's the coffee. Lately I've been on a tea only diet, but today went back to the hard stuff. Immediately the growls started up and the coworkers looks began (well I imagine, I keep my head down and pretend it's my printer. File that under Not Fooling Anyone).

Not sure what else to do I quickly do what I always do when the growls start: e-mail someone to tell them about it(trust me it helps). Except this time I used old English to express my feelings. Woe is me! Whatever shalist I do?? Growls immediately stop. BAM problem solved. I just have to speak like I'm stuck in the 18th century and there will be no more tummy growls. The coworkers looks might continue, or even increase, but you know, win some lose some.


from here

Also worst Starbucks upsell ever:
me: I'll have a tall drip.
her: are you sure you don't want a grande mocha instead???
me: ... no.

Today

picture from Orangette

Me: Get to work! Now! (yep, I yell at myself; this is what happens when you don't have a boss to do it for you).

Also me: Well I can't unless I have a clean kitchen...and a freshly baked banana bread.

wtf happened to my productivity?

That being said, I'm using this reciepe from Orangette and it's bomb.

Now back to work.