My Life- The Movie Version

SETTING: office conference room. (Off screen) BOSS: "Make sure you bring enough copies of that calendar you made!" (A group shuffles into the room and gathers around a table. One chair remains empty). (Also off screen)* Note find way to portray these internal thoughts* EMPLOYEE: "Sheeeet, never made that calendar. I'll just take screenshots of the current online calendar and print out in all their pixelated glory" (EMPLOYEE enters conference room and sits) BOSS: Are these all the months of the year? (EMPLOYEE leaves again. Returns fifteen minutes later, more screenshots in hand) Boss: (pauses, squints at papers): "umm ...these look funny..." EMPLOYEE: (wide eyed, cocks head gives concerned look) hmmm (bewildered shrug) (Off screen the audience can hear sixty-five copies of the calendar being printed to the confusion of all around) Stage goes dark and scene. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________ how did I get hired again??

There's been a dearth of posting over here because I'm too busy refreshing this awesome website I found busy like woah.

Using a specialized software program and cameras, Color Forecast analyzes the colors trending in Paris, Milan, and Anthwerp. Rather than guessing, magic, or constantly interviewing models, the way it works is this: cameras set up on the streets grab images and send them to a computer database. The computer's software divides the colors into groups and analyzes which are most prominent. Every fifteen minutes the site updates letting the Euro-wannabe know what colors they should be wearing. It's pretty cool- when I started this post the colors were pink, plum, and light gray; now they're rose, burnt orange, and hot pink.

Happy Administrative Professionals Day!

As far as administrative professionals go I sort of walk the line: I don't hold the title, but I do the tasks. The ambiguity makes a little unsure if I can buy myself flowers and justify taking the rest of the day off. No matter what I decide Happy Admin Day to all!

This one hits a bit close to home:

all from someecards

Writing Thoughts

The natives are getting restless:
JR :: SarahApr 18, 2012 02:23 AM CAN YOU FUCKING BLOG MORE OFTEN?!?!

Far be it for me to piss off my one and only reader so here goes- ask and ye shall receive!!!

(Gotcha all excited didn’t I? Well don’t be because the topic of this post is why I haven’t blogged much and ethics. I’m fun, ya?)

See as of late I’ve gotten a little gun shy about writing here. It all happened when I decided to do like the cool kids do and become social media savvy.

This is a horrible idea.

I’ve never been a cool kid (high school band camp and math club three years running, thankyouverymuch) or savvy at anything let alone social media.

But I forgot this and forged ahead, linking my blog and twitter account. While congratulating myself on how genius and legit I now looked I walked past the desk of an upper level staff member and saw him cruising twitter.

Light bulbs flashed, an impressive mental head slap was landed and it dawned on me that simply googling my name would take you to my twitter which would take you to my blog which spends a fair amount of time discussing work. Ergo, bad idea; and yes, I too am amazed at how long it took for me to connect the dots- I blame my attempt at removing coffee from my life.

So the link went down, but the idea of getting caught out writing about work stuck. It wormed its way into my mind, hooked up with my recollection of the company policy on blog writing, and created a baby of writer’s block and doubt.

As I do with most things in my life, when I started this blog I told my mom. She tsk’d and warned me about things like overexposure to personal information and talking about work in an inappropriate manner. I, as I do with most things in my life, rolled my eyes and assumed I knew better. “Times were different! Everyone my generation overshares online! It’s how we connect.” Besides I was smart enough to not become that person who writes something that upsets their boss or publishes private company information.

But realizing the other day how easy it would be for someone at work to innocently stumble across my writing I began to think more about what I should and do write here. My intent isn’t to discuss this company in the specific, but rather working in general as an early twenty-something at an entry level job. I hope for my blog to be a place where I share the ridiculous day to day (or umm as my posting schedule as of late has been, month to month) of working. That and a place to post cute clothing I want- can’t forget about that.

I don’t want to stop writing about work as it takes up most of my week, is something I think often about, and let’s face it, there’s no more space for a lifestyle blogger as the market is cornered. So I’ll keep writing, but I’m hoping for a change as to the content and blogging schedule.

Now corgi puppies to lighten everything up:

Pulling it together

This morning getting out of bed and pulling it together was nothing short of a miracle. In fact I'm still pulling it together.

But it's almost 5 and there's a concert and beer festival on the horizon as well as two full days of time in which to really pull it together (hello badly needed manicure). I leave you with this song, which may or may not have been the only thing that kept me walking to the bus stop this morning and not just falling asleep under a tree. Like I said, rough morning.

Wha--oh

Reason #whatever I miss working from home: The ability to immediately verify that my passport wasn't expired rather than sitting and wondering. Hope that won't be an issue in 5 days when I arrive at the airport...

Best. Lunch. Ever.

because she looks like I feel
My entire team is gone. Off doing some lunch meeting thing or other with some important person or other (clearly I'm real invested) which means I get the next two hours to read blogs, go shopping, take a nap at my desk, update my blog work completely uninterrupted. So what should it be folks? What should I do??

A. Work (pppbbbth)
B. Shop
C. Read blogs
D. Take a nap
E. Update car insurance (hi mom!)
F. Twiddle thumbs and stare at the ceiling.

Le sigh, so many options!

A Paris Hilton kind of a day

Out of these three quotes heard around the office today, two were not said by me. See if you can guess which was:

(In reference to a summer home): “I got Paris Hilton [living] two doors away!”

(Unironically giving business strategy tips): “If you’re not playing offense, you’re losing!”

(In response to spilling $2 Trader Joes soup all over the counter next to a fancy schmancy catered lunch for the People of Power, a.k.a board members): “Well shit”

Guess away people! Guess away!!

(Also, after not hearing about Paris in years today I learned she’s living in Palm Springs AND my computer took me to a “watch celebrity sex tapes for free!!” site where hers started playing automatically and refused to close no matter what I did. What can it all mean?? Besides that my computer is an asshole whose trying to get me fired??)


(picture from here)

Happy Monday!

Big news people! Big news! The coworker with the endless supply of Costco sized redvine containers moved upstairs and is now only a few cubes away!! Squeeel! Hope your Monday's are equally as lovely!(or Tuesday if you live in Japan :))

picture from here why Dolly you ask? well A. she came up when googling joyful and B. it's Dolly. 'nuff said.

Mad Skills

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this whole working thing.

Before finding myself sitting in cube land listening in to private phone conversations (seriously stick around past five and you can hear all you’ve never wanted to as your coworkers call doctor to discuss “that, ah, thing….it’s itching again”) I worked at home by myself. After being on both sides of the fence I can firmly and unequivocally say, I have no idea which one is better. You see there are such good and bad things to both. So in an effort to show off my newly learned chart making abilities detail my thoughts, I’m going to break down home vs. office working.




Also just a side note: I'm a rockstar with powerpoint, screen shots, and thinking outside the box. The above graphics prove it and no, I won't tell you how long it took.

Awkward Turtle

You know what I hate? When you get busted at work for doing something you can’t explain. Like say, when you need to practice signing a friends name over and over again. (You know, just say).

Of course as soon as you start your boss will decide it is the perfect time to stand by your elbow and give you directions. Then he’ll look down and catch you obsessively filling a notebook with another person’s name. At this point he’ll probably think you’re a lovelorn fourteen year old practicing how her latest crushes name will blend with hers, which is strange enough, since you know, you’re not fourteen anymore. But then things will get real weird when he realizes that the friend in question is a girl and you’re practicing signing her FULL name. So scratch thinking you’re a lovelorn teenager, he then just thinks you’ve either stolen someone’s identity or have split personalities. Either way it’s just awkward for all involved.

pictures from here. It has nothing to do with awkwardness or turtles, it's just crazy trippy.

While going through old contracts today at the Company I found one with an internet protection software company that blocks inappropriate content for kids. In the contract are lists of offensive words (and who they offend) that will be blocked when you buy their software. They are RIDIC(as in ulous)

Some I can see why they could be found offensive (butt pirate) but most of them I don't even get. and now I really want to google them but seeing as I'm at work, probably not a good idea.

Also feeling pretty uncool. When did I stop being the one who was up on that latest in insults?!?! I feel like such a Perm Sperm (apparently offensive to Whites....or just funny as hell).

Anyway, here are some of the gems:

-Bun runner (offensive to the Amish)

-Carrot snapper (against Mormons)

-50's (against Canadians) **who picks on Canadians?? or the Amish for that matter.

-Golden Toe (hate speech against Whites)

-Interesting (made the list as hate speech against Jews-real confused by this one)

-Leather (mature content yo')

-Marriage (mature content, under the lifestyle catagory)

-Nine Iron (hate speech against Asians)

This pretty much leaves kids nothing to google! Except love, macaroni, and panda's...oh...oh wait:
Love (mature content under the mental catagory)

Macaroni (hate speech directed at Italians)

Panda (hate Speech for Pananmanians)

On a serious note, can someone please explain what "boy in a boat" means? apparently it's inappropriate language under the anatomy catagory

picture from here

It's Official

I don't get fashion. Apparently this:

and this:

are considered not only fashionable, but worth quite a bit. The mind boggles.

Also I apparently don't get fashion photography because if someone took a picture of me looking like this:

I would detag and then unfriend them (on facebook and in real life- I'm cold).


"whatchu say??"

"Did I stutter? I said, my sweater is SUPPOSED to be this short...Bitch."

"oh I knnnnow you didn'!!!"

"So angry..."


In completely unrelated news, this girl and her dress know what's what and I would gladly take this as as a late Christmas Present.


All of this brought to you by asos and too much free time.

Getting Through the Day

Nothing helps an incredibly slow day of reading dead contracts to determine if they're dead or really dead or really, REALLY dead (sorry, where was I?), like planning a trip to Iceland.


Can't wait for March!

(all pictures from Iceland Eyes, my new favorite blog)

This is my confession

(Get it? Like from Usher? No? Stop that? Fine.)

My stomach growls at work. Like a lot. And in an open cube environment this is a bit embarressing, because though I try to cover it with a cough or chair shift I still sound like a dying radiator. It's as awkward as it sounds.

I've been trying to figure out what's up with this. The only clues I have are:
1. This is a new development, as in since this job started.
and 2. It also only happens while at work.

Apparently my stomach hates being forced to sit for eight hours a day and has decided to, loudly, express its displeasure. Jackass.

But today there was a break through! Though not a good one: it's the coffee. Lately I've been on a tea only diet, but today went back to the hard stuff. Immediately the growls started up and the coworkers looks began (well I imagine, I keep my head down and pretend it's my printer. File that under Not Fooling Anyone).

Not sure what else to do I quickly do what I always do when the growls start: e-mail someone to tell them about it(trust me it helps). Except this time I used old English to express my feelings. Woe is me! Whatever shalist I do?? Growls immediately stop. BAM problem solved. I just have to speak like I'm stuck in the 18th century and there will be no more tummy growls. The coworkers looks might continue, or even increase, but you know, win some lose some.


from here

Also worst Starbucks upsell ever:
me: I'll have a tall drip.
her: are you sure you don't want a grande mocha instead???
me: ... no.