While going through old contracts today at the Company I found one with an internet protection software company that blocks inappropriate content for kids. In the contract are lists of offensive words (and who they offend) that will be blocked when you buy their software. They are RIDIC(as in ulous)

Some I can see why they could be found offensive (butt pirate) but most of them I don't even get. and now I really want to google them but seeing as I'm at work, probably not a good idea.

Also feeling pretty uncool. When did I stop being the one who was up on that latest in insults?!?! I feel like such a Perm Sperm (apparently offensive to Whites....or just funny as hell).

Anyway, here are some of the gems:

-Bun runner (offensive to the Amish)

-Carrot snapper (against Mormons)

-50's (against Canadians) **who picks on Canadians?? or the Amish for that matter.

-Golden Toe (hate speech against Whites)

-Interesting (made the list as hate speech against Jews-real confused by this one)

-Leather (mature content yo')

-Marriage (mature content, under the lifestyle catagory)

-Nine Iron (hate speech against Asians)

This pretty much leaves kids nothing to google! Except love, macaroni, and panda's...oh...oh wait:
Love (mature content under the mental catagory)

Macaroni (hate speech directed at Italians)

Panda (hate Speech for Pananmanians)

On a serious note, can someone please explain what "boy in a boat" means? apparently it's inappropriate language under the anatomy catagory

picture from here

It's Official

I don't get fashion. Apparently this:

and this:

are considered not only fashionable, but worth quite a bit. The mind boggles.

Also I apparently don't get fashion photography because if someone took a picture of me looking like this:

I would detag and then unfriend them (on facebook and in real life- I'm cold).


"whatchu say??"

"Did I stutter? I said, my sweater is SUPPOSED to be this short...Bitch."

"oh I knnnnow you didn'!!!"

"So angry..."


In completely unrelated news, this girl and her dress know what's what and I would gladly take this as as a late Christmas Present.


All of this brought to you by asos and too much free time.

Getting Through the Day

Nothing helps an incredibly slow day of reading dead contracts to determine if they're dead or really dead or really, REALLY dead (sorry, where was I?), like planning a trip to Iceland.


Can't wait for March!

(all pictures from Iceland Eyes, my new favorite blog)

This is my confession

(Get it? Like from Usher? No? Stop that? Fine.)

My stomach growls at work. Like a lot. And in an open cube environment this is a bit embarressing, because though I try to cover it with a cough or chair shift I still sound like a dying radiator. It's as awkward as it sounds.

I've been trying to figure out what's up with this. The only clues I have are:
1. This is a new development, as in since this job started.
and 2. It also only happens while at work.

Apparently my stomach hates being forced to sit for eight hours a day and has decided to, loudly, express its displeasure. Jackass.

But today there was a break through! Though not a good one: it's the coffee. Lately I've been on a tea only diet, but today went back to the hard stuff. Immediately the growls started up and the coworkers looks began (well I imagine, I keep my head down and pretend it's my printer. File that under Not Fooling Anyone).

Not sure what else to do I quickly do what I always do when the growls start: e-mail someone to tell them about it(trust me it helps). Except this time I used old English to express my feelings. Woe is me! Whatever shalist I do?? Growls immediately stop. BAM problem solved. I just have to speak like I'm stuck in the 18th century and there will be no more tummy growls. The coworkers looks might continue, or even increase, but you know, win some lose some.


from here

Also worst Starbucks upsell ever:
me: I'll have a tall drip.
her: are you sure you don't want a grande mocha instead???
me: ... no.